“I Was Ready to Divorce My Husband Over His Mood Swings – Then I Discovered the Shocking Truth!”

Lucy Brazier and her husband Steve had been married for 20 years, but their relationship had always been a rollercoaster. Steve’s mood swings and unpredictable behavior were a constant challenge for Lucy.

By January 2022, after a particularly difficult Christmas, Lucy reached her breaking point. Steve had been through extreme highs and lows, and Lucy finally thought, “I can’t keep doing this.” She felt exhausted and overwhelmed, and the idea of leaving the marriage started to seem like the only option.

Steve, too, was struggling. He told Lucy, “I’ve tried everything. You name it, I’ve done it… but I still hate myself. I won’t blame you if you want to leave me. I want to leave me… I don’t want you to waste any more time in this marriage.” It was a heartbreaking moment for both of them.

They agreed to separate, and at first, it felt like a relief. Lucy described it as “stepping off a crowded bus you were desperate to leave.” But as soon as they had that calm conversation, something shifted. Lucy realized she wasn’t ready to give up. She thought, “This can’t be it. We can’t give up without one last try.”

Around this time, Lucy confided in an old friend about her plans for divorce. Her friend recommended a book called The ADHD Effect on Marriage. Lucy got a copy, and Steve read it too. To their surprise, Steve felt like the book was describing his life perfectly. It was a turning point. Steve’s mental health had always been fragile, and with a two-year wait for an NHS referral, he decided to go private for a consultation.

A week later, the psychiatrist’s report came back: Steve was 98% likely to have ADHD. For Lucy, this diagnosis was a huge relief. It explained so much about Steve’s behavior and gave them both hope that their marriage could be saved.

But the revelations didn’t stop there. An NHS psychiatrist later confirmed Steve’s ADHD diagnosis and also diagnosed him with autism spectrum disorder (ASD). They explained that it’s not uncommon for people with autism to also have ADHD. For Lucy, this was another piece of the puzzle. It made sense of so many things that had been difficult in their relationship. But for Steve, the autism diagnosis was harder to accept. There’s still a lot of stigma around autism, and it took him a couple of months to come to terms with it.

Lucy and Steve had met in 2002 through a mutual friend. Looking back, Lucy realized that some of the things she had initially found attractive about Steve were actually traits of ADHD. He was impulsive, clever, funny, and full of curiosity. But early on, she also noticed his struggles with depression. Despite her concerns, she felt safe and secure in his love for her.

They moved out of London 19 years ago to raise their three children—Raff, Hebe, and Jesse—in Dorset. But over the years, Lucy’s frustrations with Steve grew.

His depression and mood swings were a constant challenge, and small things could trigger big arguments. For example, one day they had a huge fight over something as simple as socks being in the wrong drawer. It felt ridiculous, but it was a sign of the deeper issues they were facing.

Steve had tried everything to manage his depression—cognitive behavioral therapy, antidepressants, psychotherapy, group therapy, and even EMDR, a therapy that uses eye movements to process traumatic memories. He had given up alcohol, taken up yoga, and changed his diet. But nothing seemed to work for long. Lucy felt exhausted and wondered if she was part of the problem. She admitted to feeling impatient, frustrated, and angry at times. She questioned whether someone else might have been more understanding.

Christmas had always been a difficult time for Steve, and by extension, for Lucy too. Family events were a trigger for him. He struggled to navigate social situations and often felt overwhelmed. The Christmas of 2021 was especially hard, and it pushed Lucy to her limit. But now, things are better. They’ve learned to communicate more openly. If Steve is feeling overwhelmed, they talk about it, and he can step away if he needs to. Lucy has also learned to do some things on her own, like attending social events, which Steve finds challenging.

With Steve’s support, Lucy started writing to help process everything they’d been through. Her project, The Honesty Box, is named after her passion for growing vegetables and selling them to the local community. Working together in the garden helped them rebuild their connection. Steve’s ADHD medication has made a big difference, but it’s not a cure-all.

There’s no magic pill for autism, and life can still be hard for him. But they’ve learned to be more honest with each other. Lucy has changed how she responds to Steve’s struggles. For example, instead of getting angry when he’s late, they’ve found ways to work around it.

There are still tough times. Steve still experiences low moments, but they’re less frequent and don’t last as long. Lucy and Steve have come a long way. They’ve worked hard to stay together, and they’re proud of what they’ve achieved. Lucy admits she doesn’t know what the future holds, but she has no desire to separate. They’ve found a way to move forward, and for now, that’s enough.